According to our latest survey data, food isn't just a first-date activity for the AAPI community – it's a primary love language. In fact, 72% of AAPI daters say food plays a meaningful role in their dating lives, and 84% have shared their culture with a partner through a specific dish.

It makes sense. Food is the ultimate shortcut to understanding. You don't narrate a dumpling – you share it. Or better yet, you teach someone how to make one. It’s an act of care to offer it, and an act of trust to receive it.

In looking at our community’s success stories, plus exclusive interviews from Chef Cassindy x AAPI restauranters (featured on Instagram and TikTok)  – that quiet fluency tends to fall into three distinct moments of connection: discovery, commitment, and comfort.

1. Discovery (aka the “I paid attention” dish)

Some people don’t know it at the time, but they’re already on their last first date. It’s only in hindsight that the small, everyday moments become part of their origin story.

For Shawnta and Joseph, a couple who met on Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB), understanding began in the joy of discovery over a shared meal. On one of their first dates, Joseph introduced Shawnta to ube, a purple yam commonly used in Filipino dishes. She loved it immediately – and that small moment of discovery became a lasting ritual. “Now, when he surprises me with dessert, it’s always ube,” she says.

That simple gesture is a small but meaningful green flag. It’s proof that your partner paid attention to what you liked early on and chose to remember it. At the end of the day, those everyday details are exactly how you realize someone is really paying attention.

As Shawnta puts it: “Although Joseph is Asian and I’m Black, we connected deeply. The similarities in our cultures and experiences – as well as the differences – deepened that connection. Find someone who celebrates your culture and appreciates what’s amazing and unique about you.”

2. Commitment (aka the “we’re in this together” dim sum)

Discovery is just the beginning. The real test is what happens after – whether a partner keeps showing up, not just for the fun parts, but for the ones that matter most.

For Ashley and Tim, a CMB success story, it started with dumplings. Ashley, who comes from a Chinese-American family, recently taught her husband Tim how to make them – a technique passed down from her mom and grandmother. Tim's technique, by his own admission, is still a work in progress. "My technique is definitely getting better!" he says.

But it didn't stop at the kitchen. When Ashley's family celebrates the Tomb-Sweeping Festival – a tradition continued to honor her late grandmother, who was Buddhist – Tim is there too, helping prepare and participate.  "He grew up Catholic," says Ashley, "but has fully embraced our culture and traditions. He shows his support for me and my family."

As it turns out, the best way to understand someone's culture isn't to ask about it. It's to show up for it.

3. Comfort (aka the “silent” love language snack)

In many AAPI households, affection isn't always something you say – it's something you show. It's a language of care that doesn't use words, but instead relies on gestures that need no translation.

Chef Will of Viridian, a bar specializing in cocktails that highlight Asian American heritage, captures the weight of this silent shorthand:

"You bring a report card with a bunch of A's on it, then you get a nice plate of cut fruit, you know, or like they'll cook your favorite dish. And so I think in a lot of East Asian cultures, that is a way of showing affection and showing care. It's very special."

That quiet act of feeding someone is the ultimate comfort, and it's a dynamic Chef Kathy of Fang sees in her own life, too. “In most Asian cultures, food is the number one love language,” Kathy says. “My husband, if he has a rough day – for me it’s really like, oh, I’ll make something that he loves and just put it there without him having to ask.”

Whether it's a plate of fruit or a favorite meal waiting on the table, it's a quiet way of making someone feel completely safe and cared for. And receiving that gesture with appreciation is its own kind of love language, too.

Hungry for more food & love stories? 🍽️

We’re celebrating AAPI heritage all month long. Keep an eye on our Instagram or TikTok for our video series, At The Table, where CMB matchmaker Cassindy Chao sits down with AAPI restaurateurs to explore the beautiful ways food and love intersect. You'll also find more of our favorite couple stories and deeper dives into our latest dating survey data.

In the meantime, why not test out your own food love language? Head back to your matches to spark a conversation about your favorite dish – and see where it takes you.