There’s a lot to think about before a first date.

What should you wear? Where should you go? What are you going to talk about? Should you arrive five minutes early, or is that somehow too early?

With all of that running through your head, it’s easy to focus on getting the big things right and forget about the small ones.

Often, it isn’t one huge mistake that gets in the way of a good first impression. It’s the little details. Making eye contact. Putting your phone away. Looking like you made an effort. Actually listening instead of waiting for your turn to speak.

And psychology suggests those little things can matter.

A great first date isn’t about learning a list of tricks that will magically make someone like you. It’s about showing up in a way that makes you both feel more comfortable, present, and able to connect.

Here are a few small things worth remembering.

1. Actually look at them

We’re not suggesting uninterrupted eye contact for the entire date. That would be… a lot.

But comfortable eye contact is one of the simplest ways to show someone that you’re paying attention.

And there’s some interesting dating research behind it. In a 2024 study, 60 participants took part in a total of 240 five-minute speed dates while researchers tracked their eye movements. People were more likely to choose dating partners with whom they had shared more eye contact with.

The takeaway isn’t that you should start calculating how many seconds you’ve looked into someone’s eyes.

It’s much simpler: when they’re telling you a story, look at them. When you’re laughing together, don’t immediately look away. Give them little signals that say, I’m here, and I’m interested in what you’re saying.

That can be surprisingly easy to forget when you’re nervous.

2. Dress like you meant to go on a date

You don’t need a brand-new outfit. You definitely don’t need to suddenly start dressing like someone you’re not.

But there’s a difference between looking casual and looking like you forgot you had plans.

What we wear is one of the pieces of information people use to form first impressions. In one study, 274 participants saw images of the same man wearing two very similar suits for a maximum of five seconds. The only real difference was in the tailoring and fit, yet participants formed different impressions of him, rating the better-tailored version more positively on characteristics including confidence and success.

No, this does not mean you need to wear a tailored suit to your coffee date.

The bigger point is that small details can communicate effort.

Wear something clean, comfortable, and appropriate for wherever you’re going. Pick the version of your style that makes you stand a little taller when you look in the mirror.

You should still look like you. Just you who knew this was a date.

3. Pay attention to what your body language is saying

Your mouth may be saying, “I’m having a great time.”

Your crossed arms, hunched shoulders, and constant glances toward the exit may be telling a slightly different story.

Body language matters because we’re constantly picking up signals from each other without consciously thinking about them.

A 2016 study of 144 speed-dates found that people who sat or stood in a more open, relaxed manner were more likely to get a “yes” from their date. In fact, open body language was linked to a 76% higher chance of romantic interest.

Again, please don’t interpret this as permission to spread yourself across three chairs.

Think open, not enormous.

Turn towards your date when they’re talking. Relax your shoulders. Avoid keeping your arms tightly crossed the whole evening. Let yourself smile and react naturally.

You’re essentially giving the other person non-verbal reassurance that says: I’m comfortable being here with you.

4. Your phone can survive without you

You’re halfway through telling a story.

Their phone lights up.

They look down.

“Sorry, keep going.”

You probably can keep going. But the moment feels a little different now, doesn’t it?

There’s actually a name for ignoring someone in favour of your phone: phubbing.

Research published in 2026 found that phubbing can affect the way we perceive another person. Across two experiments, people who engaged in phubbing were perceived as less warm and competent, which in turn was associated with lower likability, social attractiveness, and willingness to interact with them.

You don’t need to dramatically switch your phone off and lock it in a vault.

Just put it somewhere you aren’t tempted to check every time the screen lights up.

Unless you’re expecting something genuinely urgent, your notifications can wait until after the date.

Being fully present is one of the easiest ways to show someone their time matters to you.

5. Meet their energy

Have you ever talked to someone and felt like conversation just… flowed?

Neither of you was trying particularly hard. You were laughing at the same moments, bouncing off each other, and somehow three hours passed without you noticing.

You might know part of this as mirroring: the way people naturally start matching each other’s expressions, gestures, tone, or energy. Psychologists also study a broader version of this called synchrony, which is basically how two people fall into rhythm with each other during an interaction.

A 2024 study explored this in both an experiment and a speed-dating setting. In the speed-dating portion, researchers looked at physiological synchrony among 48 participants and found that people with a stronger tendency to synchronize with others were rated as more romantically attractive. In a separate experiment with 144 participants, increasing synchrony also increased attractiveness ratings.

That doesn’t mean you should start deliberately copying everything your date does.

They picked up their water. Quick, pick up yours.

Please don’t.

Think of it more as meeting them where they are.

If they’re telling an excited story, let yourself share their excitement. If the conversation becomes more thoughtful, you don’t have to immediately crack another joke. Pay attention to their pace, tone, and reactions instead of staying trapped in your own head thinking about what you’re going to say next.

Connection is something two people create together.

6. Ask the follow-up question

There’s a very particular first-date conversation that goes something like this:

“What do you do?”

“Where are you from?”

“Do you have siblings?”

“What do you do for fun?”

Technically, you’re learning things about each other.

Emotionally, you may as well be filling out a form.

Good conversation usually happens when you stop moving through your list of questions and get curious about the answer in front of you.

A 2017 study by researchers at Harvard looked at how asking questions affects how much people like us in conversation. Across several experiments, people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were generally better liked by the person they were talking to. The researchers also looked at speed-dating conversations with 110 participants and found that daters who asked more follow-up questions were more likely to get a “yes” to a second date.

So if they casually mention that they once lived in Spain, don’t immediately move onto your next prepared question.

Ask about Spain.

Where did they live? Why did they go? What do they miss? Did they learn Spanish or survive entirely on pointing and Google Translate?

The best conversations usually come from following what’s interesting, not asking the “perfect” question.

7. Stop trying so hard to impress them

This might be the most important one.

First dates can very easily become auditions.

Am I being funny enough?

Did that story make me sound interesting?

Do they like me?

Was that joke weird? Why did I say that?

And while you’re busy assessing your own performance, you can forget that there’s another question you’re supposed to be answering:

Do I like them?

The goal of a first date isn’t to convince the person sitting across from you that you’re worth choosing.

It’s for both of you to find out how you feel when you’re actually together.

Do you enjoy talking to them?

Do you feel comfortable?

Are you curious about them?

Do you want another hour together?

Would you like to see them again?

That shift from “How do I make them like me?” to “How do we feel together?” can take some of the pressure off.

And when you aren’t spending the entire date monitoring yourself, it becomes much easier to do all those little things we just talked about: make eye contact, listen properly, laugh naturally, and actually be present.

The best first-date strategy is surprisingly simple

You don’t need to memorize seven psychological studies before your next date.

And you definitely don’t need to walk into the restaurant thinking:

Eye contact. Check. Open shoulders. Check. Phone hidden. Check.

The research points towards something much more human.

Pay attention. Make an effort. Be curious. Show them you’re happy to be there.

A good first impression isn’t created by saying exactly the right thing.

Often, it’s all the little things that make someone feel like you genuinely want to get to know them.

And if you both leave thinking, I’d like another date with this person?

That’s a pretty great first date.

References:

Cohen, M., Abargil, M., Ahissar, M. et al. Social and nonsocial synchrony are interrelated and romantically attractive. Commun Psychol 2, 57 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1038/s44271-024-00109-1

Hoffmann, Alexandra & Schiestl, Sabrina & Sinske, Philipp & Gondan, Matthias & Sachse, Pierre & Maran, Thomas. (2024). Sharing and Receiving Eye-Contact Predicts Mate Choice After a 5-Minute Conversation: Evidence from a Speed-Dating Study. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 53. 10.1007/s10508-023-02806-0

Howlett, Neil & Pine, Karen & Orakcioglu, Ismail & Fletcher, Ben. (2013). The influence of clothing on first impressions: Rapid and positive responses to minor changes in male attire. Journal of Fashion Marketing and Management: An International Journal. 17. 38-48. 10.1108/13612021311305128.

Huang, K. et al. (2017) ‘It doesn’t hurt to ask: Question-asking increases liking’, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113(3), pp. 430–452. doi:10.1037/pspi0000097.

Lee, S., Kim, E., Bang, J., Park, J., Lee, Y., & Kim, T. (2026). Does Using Mobile Phones Make You Less Attractive? Phubbing and Perceptions of Warmth, Competence, and Social Attractiveness. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 29(1), 39-48. https://doi.org/10.1177/21522715251405791

T. Vacharkulksemsuk, E. Reit, P. Khambatta, P.W. Eastwick, E.J. Finkel, & D.R. Carney, Dominant, open nonverbal displays are attractive at zero-acquaintance, Proc. Natl. Acad. Sci. U.S.A. 113 (15) 4009-4014, https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1508932113 (2016).