Stop us if this sounds familiar: You want an authentic relationship. You want to meet someone who fits your busy professional lifestyle. But between work, social plans, workouts, errands, and trying to get enough sleep to function, dating suddenly turns into an endless cycle of random liking, half-hearted texting, and “I have no time to date, I’ll try again next week.”

Here’s the good news: you don’t necessarily need more time to date better (and no, you don’t need magic, either.) You just need a simple routine that helps you date with intention, even when your schedule is packed.

Luckily for you, we have a 10-minute dating routine you can totally steal. Think small effort, real momentum. 

First, what does “intentional dating” actually mean?

We know it sounds like it, but dating with intention doesn’t mean being intense. And it doesn’t mean treating dating like a second job, either – as if your 9-5 wasn’t enough! It simply means making choices that move you toward the kind of relationship you actually want, instead of letting life just pull you to whatever crosses your path. 

Your time and energy are limited. So, more dating isn’t really going to solve anything, right? The real solution is more efficient dating, so the time you spend looking for a serious relationship actually counts. 

Your daily 10-minute dating routine, explained

Minute 1: Pick one goal for the day

Before you even open your app, decide what “success” looks like for the day. We repeat: Not your five-year plan, just today. This is important because most dating burnout doesn’t necessarily come from dating itself. It comes from aimless dating with no real plan, or worse: Setting yourself up for disappointment with overthinking or unrealistic expectations. 

Instead, pick one reasonable goal. It could be like/pass on five profiles, start one thoughtful chat, or reply to that chat you’ve been avoiding for way too long. You know the one. 

When you give yourself a clear target, dating stops feeling endless and starts feeling manageable. And when you make that target actually realistic, you can wrap up your day knowing you took steps to move your dating life forward. Trust us, one good move a day adds up fast.

Minutes 2-5: Swipe like a busy person – with standards

Listen, we know it’s easy to just tap the heart on someone’s profile and go on your merry way. “They’re cute.” “They seem nice.” “Maybe?” But you’re busy, and busy people don’t have time for “maybe” energy. Intentional dating means you’re not here to collect matches. You’re choosing people you’d realistically make time for.

Catch yourself second-guessing? Here’s a simple filter: only like people you’d actually say yes to meeting this week. Not someday. This week.

Look for signs of mutual effort, compatibility, and clarity. Are their relationship goals spelled out, and do they match yours? Is there enough in their profile to start a real conversation? Can you imagine enjoying a quick coffee with them, even after a long day? Aim for 5-10 thoughtful likes and stop. More swipes don’t always equal better results, but they can lead to more decision fatigue.

The good news? At Coffee Meets Bagel, quality over quantity is really our thing, so we send you a small, curated batch of profiles every day at noon. That way, you can spend a few minutes focusing on high-quality matches instead of playing a guessing game. 

Minutes 5-7: Send messages that create momentum

Another thing you simply don’t have time for? Conversations that go nowhere. And starting off a chat with a “Hey…how’s your day?” is going to create a small-talk loop you can’t break out of, and definitely doesn’t do anything to help you figure out if someone is actually a good match. 

Instead, send messages that do at least one of three things: show you’re paying attention, are easy to respond to, or move the conversation forward. And before you overthink it, you don’t need to be overly clever; you just need to be specific and curious.

Try something like: “Okay, I have to ask, what’s the story behind your profile photo?” or “Quick vibe check: are you more ‘go out and do something fun’ or ‘stay in and talk for hours’?” If you want to be a little more direct, you can even ask, “What are you hoping to find on here? Something serious, or just seeing where things go?” (Did we say a little more direct? We meant a lot more direct.)

Feeling stuck? Here’s a hack: Coffee Meets Bagel has Icebreakers built right into profiles. Think of them as a cheat sheet to help you jumpstart an interesting conversation!

Start 2-3 solid chats and call it for now. You can always pick up a conversation later if it gets good, and hey, you don’t want to use all of your best material right away! 

Minutes 7-9: If it’s good, move toward a date. If it’s not, wrap it up. 

Now that you’ve spent a few minutes sending great messages, take this time to decide if any of your conversations have real potential for something more. Because, as easy as it is, you can’t chat forever, and real relationships are made out in the real world. 

So if a conversation feels easy and you’re both responding with real energy, take the next step. You don’t need a huge romantic plan. You just need something simple, low-pressure, and realistic. “I’ve loved getting to know you. Want to grab a quick coffee this week and see if we click in person?” It’s direct, but most of all, it doesn’t put weird pressure on the moment. 

And if you’re genuinely busy (because you are), it’s completely fine to say that in a way that still shows your intention: “This week is a little packed, but I’m enjoying talking. What’s your ideal first date? Maybe we can try it out next Friday.” That kind of honesty signals you have a life, and you’re making room for the right person.

Now, those chats that feel confusing, stale, or low-effort? Letting them linger isn’t helping anyone, and the best way to protect your energy is to say goodbye to things that aren’t serving you. 

Go for something clear but kind, like “You seem great, but I don’t think this is the right fit for me. Wishing you the best!” It’s not harsh or dramatic, and it frees you both up to find a better match.

Minute 10: Do some freshening up 

You’ve spent most of this routine focusing on other people, but take the last 60 seconds to turn that energy back on yourself. 

Did you pick up a new hobby recently? Add that to your profile! Does one of your prompts not feel like your truth anymore? Switch it up! Is your profile picture actually from seven years ago? Come on, we know you have a super cute selfie from last week that’s dying to see the light of day. 

Taking a little time to make sure you’re putting your best self forward will only lead to better matches. 

The busy person’s mindset shift: date smarter, not more

You’re not going to win any awards for “Most Time Spent on Dating App” or “Juggled 12 Conversations,” at least not from us. We're a serious dating app, after all.  

We want you to find a real relationship in the easiest way possible, but to do that, you have to set some boundaries with yourself. And remember, intentional dating isn’t about doing everything perfectly. We just want you to make one intentional choice at a time. 

One message that creates momentum. One date planned instead of endless texting. One “no thanks” instead of dragging something out.

And if you keep showing up consistently, even in small ways, you’ll be surprised how quickly dating starts to feel lighter, clearer, and way more worth your time. If you’ve got 10 minutes, you’ve got this!